The idea of sex magic goes against all of what we are made to believe about ourselves and the world around us, but I am here to tell you that manifestation is at its strongest when you unify yourself with your destined desires. As a sex educator, I am trained in all aspects of the sexuality world, from toys to trauma to tantra, but it was my own personal journey with my sexuality that lead me to my success. My unconscious work with sex magic began at an early age, when I would seek out some sort of sign that I was on the right path for myself. The biggest break came with my internship at the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health. I had spoken into the world that if I get this internship by some chance that I was meant to throw myself into being a sex educator, instead of following money or practicality.
This small affirmation from “the world”, was actually of my own doing; my own manifestation and creation. As time went by I started to notice my manifestations when I “ultimatumed” myself, something along the lines of “this thing is my sign to push forward”. On some level it was similar to a mental procrastination, with the pressure of quitting something I loved I instantly changed my mindset and brought about more opportunities. As my success grew I was no longer able too simply ultimatum myself, I needed something more to get that affirmation I felt I needed.
In came sex magic, over the quarantine I spent a lot of time assessing myself, my career and my entire being. I started to wonder if I could drive power from my orgasms by influencing my mind with music. The idea was to play a particular song and instantly become aroused or even reach orgasm. I was trying to classically condition myself to the melodies, but through my personal experiment I started to noticed I focused more on the lyrics. I took note of my desire to only want to hear “empowering” voices, as well as lyrics that only spoke about the things I wanted to manifest. Wanting to be more sexual and seeing myself as a goddess instead of letting my insecurities carry into the bedroom.
Then I noticed my body change, as well as my self discipline. I wanted to take advantage of this change, so I started to practice manifestations through the entire day. Things as simple as wanting to take photos of myself, or admiring the way the daylight warmed my naked body every morning. Things were changing for me, all in the ways I wished for them to. Just by unconsciously listening to a song while masturbating allowed me to unlock certain parts of my own power, determination and mindset. I was manifesting and I was at a point where I was doing it constantly, simply radiating with power and dripping in attraction.
Since this time I have enhanced my routine and now feel capable to share some of my personal tricks and tips. For all the novice sex magicians I suggest first “setting the scene”, this can be something as simple as drawing the blinds to really set your focus on your sensations rather than what’s in the room. Another great tip is to play on your most cardinal of needs, the senses. Calling attention to scents is a great way to ground yourself, which is the very next step. After you have created your palace you have to keep yourself out of your head, which sounds contrary to manifestation. What I mean is don’t drift off thinking about what you are going to be doing after you finish or how soon you will see results. Lay in your quiet space and take a few breaths before you begin anything with yourself.
Once you are settled you can use your tools for enhancing your sensation, enjoyment and manifestations. I focus on the elements; fire, earth, air, and water. My fire is my desire or the heat of my body resting between the sheets. My earth are the flowers I place in my bedroom, their scents calming me and keeping me in tune with myself. My air comes from every exhale of ecstasy and inhale of pleasure that I bring into my lungs. Finally, my water comes from my own body, a mixture of a natural lubricant and my own fluids creating a symbiotic balance of wetness and fluid movements across any part of my body calling to me. I am very critical of the lubricant I use, not only to feel pleasure but for my body to be in harmony with my decisions. I highly recommend tossing out drug store lubes with high osmolarity. They aren’t doing you any justice.
I ensure every session I have with myself is about myself. I focus on my pleasure and sensation, edging myself around the idea that my satisfaction does not have to be temporary or short lived. As someone who does not often have the time or desire to continue after an orgasm I have learned to save my manifestations of my desires for right before my orgasm. As I am touching myself, and remaining present I start to channel that power and focus my thoughts on the idea I am manifesting. The sensation almost feels as if there is a huge wave forcing a door open. Once I force that door open, i.e. I cum, that wave of energy then falls over myself, baptising myself in radiant energy and all my wishes. Afterwards, I recommend laying there and taking slow breaths, make sure you are feeling every last thing and breathing that back into yourself.
In essence, sex magic is about yourself and how your personal power looks and feels for you. Try taking the time you need to bring “you” back into your life and including your wants and desires into your being. Look for stimuli that support everything you are seeking; set the scene, listen to great music and follow your body. With these simple tricks you will not only discover more about yourself but be more in tune with your environment and what you are letting in and out of your life. It’s the small steps that add up to bigger victories.
If you would like to discover more feel free to reach out through my website at passionatpeople.com or via Instagram @amber.mallery. Thank you so much to Into the Wylde for this incredibly empowering opportunity to speak on something I am so passionate about. I also appreciate Into the Wylde lubricant which has become a tool in my manifestations, and attest that my own successes are in part due to this product. Thank you for the read, and happy orgasms to all.
Amber Mallery is a sex educator, blogger and most importantly pleasure activist. She had been a sex educator for over 10 years. she has held internships with The Center of Sexual Pleasure and Health, taught countless workshops, presented personal research, and even gone as far as to study sex! She is currently studying to obtain my Masters of Science at the University of Barcelona School of Medicine IS Global Health Program. In addition to a more formal education, she is working towards my Sex Educator Certification through the Institute of Sexual Education and Enlightenment, or ISEE as its known.
Outside of her academic developments in her professional life she holds memberships with both the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) , European Society of Contraception and Reproductive Health and Sexual (ESC) Health Alliance (SHA).